I don't know about you,
but it makes me sore seeing those war pictures about flying leathernecks,
and submarine patrols, and frogmen, and guerrillas in the Philippines.
What gets me is that there never was a movie about P.O.W. S...
...about prisoners of war.
My name is Clarence Harvey Cook - they call me Cookie.
I was shot down over Magdeburg, Germany, back in '43.
That's why I stammer sometimes, especially when I get excited.
I spent two and a half years in Stalag 17.
"Stalag" is German for prison camp.
Number 17 was somewhere on the Danube.
There were about 40,000 P.O.W. S there -
if you count the Russians, the Poles and the Czechs.
In our compound, there were about 630 of us.
All American airmen - radio operators, gunners and engineers. All sergeants.
Now, put 630 sergeants together and, oh mother, you've got yourself a situation!
There was more fireworks shooting off around that joint...
Take the story about the spy we had in our barracks.
It was about a week before Christmas in '44.
Two of our guys, Manfredi and Jonson, to be exact,
were just getting set to blow the place.
Animal, Animal! Get up!
Betty Grable's on the phone!
- Here's your civilian clothes. - OK, Hoffy.
Remember, bury your army outfits before leaving the forest.
Your compass is the top button of this jacket.
Anybody asks for your papers, you're French labourers.
Here's your map, Kraut money, Swiss Francs.
- Let's hear it once more. - We've been over it a hundred times.
Let's hear it again.
We stick to the forest going west till we hit the Danube.
We follow the Danube up to Linz.
In Linz we hop a barge and go to Ulm.
Stop it, Joey! Joey, go back to sleep!
Go on. You're in Ulm.
We lie low until night, then take a train to Friedrichshafen.
We steal a rowboat, get some fishing tackle
and drift south across the lake, till we hit the other side - Switzerland.
Once there, give out a big yodel, so we know you're there. It's a breeze.
- Stay out of this. - Just one question.
Did you calculate the risk?
Ready!
You've got ten minutes to get through the tunnel.
You'll come out as the Jerries are changing shifts.
Blondie?
- OK - Peel off.
- Show 'em, boys. - Easy does it.
- We'll miss you, cruds. - Auf Wiedersehen.
They ought to be under the barbed wire soon.
Looks good outside.
I hope they hit the Danube before dawn.
They got a good chance. It's the longest night of the year.
- I bet they make it to Friedrichshafen. - I bet they reach Switzerland.
- I bet they don't get out of the forest. - What kind of crack is that?
No crack. Two packs of cigarettes say they don't get out of the forest.
Enough, Sefton. Crawl back in your sack.
He'd bet on his mother getting hit by a truck!
- Anybody call? - Sefton, butt out!
Wait. I want to back those kids. I'll cover ten of that.
- I'll take five. - Eight.
- Put me down for ten. - Three.
- I'll take one. - I'll cover the whole pot.
Anything you say. Cookie...
More cigarettes.
- Speak up, boys. - I'll cover eight.
Here's four.
- Here's two. - Here's four.
- And four more. - I'll cover eight.
- Give me three. - I bet two.
- And a half! - No butts.
No butts, no butts.
Will this do or you want more?
That'll do. Speak up, boys. Any more sports in the crowd?
Let's go.
Those filthy Krauts!
- What's left of them, Hoffy? - Don't ask me.
Price was elected Security.
- OK, what happened? - I wish I knew.
We planned everything to the last detail.
Maybe the Krauts knew about the tunnel all the time!
- Shut up! - Maybe they were laying for them.
Hold it, Sefton. I said, hold it!
So we heard some shots. Who says they didn't get away?
Anybody here want to double their bet?
Every morning at six on the dot they'd have the Appell- that's roll call.
Every barracks had its own alarm clock.
Ours was Feldwebel Schulz. Johann Sebastian Schulz.
I understand the Krauts had a composer way back
with a Johann Sebastian in it.
But I can tell you one thing, Schulz was no composer.
He was a Schweinehund. Was he ever a lousy Schweinehund.
Aw, break it off!
You must get out for roll call! Good morning to you.
OK, everybody, get up, get out!
OK, come on you sack rats. Cut the beefing and get up.
Hey, Schulz. Did you guys have some machine-gun practice last night?
Oh, terrible! Such foolish boys. Such nice boys.
I'd better not talk about it. It makes me sick to my stomach.
Roll call, everybody out.
You killed them? Both of them?
- Such nice boys. It makes me sick. - Don't wear it out!
You too. Put away that piccolo.
Lay off, Schulz. He has a sickness. You know he's krank.
Sometimes I think he's fooling us with that crazy business.
Would you like to see the guts of nine pals splattered over your plane?
Come on, Joey. Don't be afraid.
Please, gentlemen.
You don't want to stay in bed on such a beautiful morning!
- Schulz? - Yeah?
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Then droppen Sie dead!
Always mit the jokes. Roll call.
Wake up, Animal. Come on, Animal, wake up.
Good morning, Animal. What would you like for breakfast?
Scrambled eggs with little sausages? Bacon and eggs sunny-side up?
- Griddle cakes! A waffle! - Stop it, Harry. I'm warnin' ya.
Coffee! Milk or maybe a little cocoa!
Why do you do this every morning?
Hamburgers and onions, strawberry shortcake...
- I'll kill you, Harry, so help me. - Let go, it's roll call.
Hitler is waiting to see us.
Let's see, we have two empty bunks here.
Suppose you let those mattresses cool off a little out of decency?
We are cramped for space. New prisoners coming in everyday.
Now, gentlemen, outside, please!
You don't want me in trouble with the Kommandant again? Outside.
Schulz, if you're moving somebody in, how about some Russian broads?
Russian women prisoners?
Some are not bad at all.
Just get us a couple with beautiful glockenspiels.
Droppen Sie dead!
All right, men, fall in.
Nasty weather we are having?
And I so much hoped we could give you a white Christmas,
just like the ones you used to know.
Aren't those the words that clever little man wrote,
the one who stole his name from our capital, that something or other Berlin.
Look at that mud.
I hope you'll still be with us in spring. We shall plant some grass here.
And perhaps some daffodils.
I understand we are minus two men this morning.
I am surprised at you, gentlemen.
Here I am, trying to be your friend and you embarrass me.
This could get me into hot water with the High Command?
They would court martial me, after all these years of a perfect record.
You wouldn't want that to happen to me, would you?
Fortunately those two men...
As I was saying, fortunately those two men did not get very far.
They had the good sense to rejoin us, so my record stands unblemished.
Nobody has ever escaped from Stalag 17.
Not alive, anyway.
- Sergeant Hoffman of Barracks 4. - Yes, Sergeant Hoffman?
As Compound Chief, I protest at the way these bodies are left lying in the mud.
- Anything else? - Yes. Under the Geneva Convention,
dead prisoners must be given a decent burial.
Of course. I am aware of the Geneva Convention.
They'll be given the burial they deserve.
Or would you like us to haul in 21 cannons from the Eastern Front
and give them a 21-gun salute?
For the last time gentlemen, let me remind you.
Any prisoners found outside the barracks after lights out
will be shot on sight.
Furthermore, the iron stove in Barrack Four,
the one camouflaging the trap door, will be removed.
And so the men from this barrack do not suffer from the cold,
they will keep warm by filling in the escape tunnel. Is that clear?
All right, then, gentlemen, we are all friends again.
And with Christmas coming, I have a special treat for you.
I'll have you all deloused for the holidays.
And I'll have a little Christmas tree for every barrack. You will like that.
Who did this?
I will give the funny man exactly five seconds to step forward.
Then you'll all stand here if it takes all day and all night.
That is better.
I see! 600 funny men!
There will be no Christmas trees,
but there will be delousing with ice water from the hoses.
Dismissed!
We will remove the iron stove,
the one that was camouflaging the trap door...
Animal, these Nazis ain't kosher.
You can say that again.
These Nazis ain't kosh...
I said you could say it again! That doesn't mean you have to repeat it!
Private property.
How come the Krauts knew about that stove, Security?
And the tunnel?
Why can't you lay down a belch here without them knowing?
If you don't like how I'm handling this job...
- It's got us all spinning. - What makes them Krauts so smart?
Maybe they do have radar. Maybe there's a mike hidden somewhere.
Yeah. Right up Joey's ocarina.
Maybe they're not so smart, but we're so stupid.
Maybe someone in our barracks is tipping them off, like one of us!
- You don't say. - Yes, I do say!
One of us is a dirty, stinking stoolie!
Is that Einstein's theory or did you figure it out yourself?
Hey! New dames in the Russian compound.
New dames!
New dames in the Russian compound!
Sweethearts! Let's open up the third front!
Hey, dames, how about a little borscht, just the two of us?
Hey, Russki, Russki! Look at those bublichkis!
Hey, look at me! I'm your baby!
Get a load of that blonde. She's built like a brick Kremlin.
Hey, Comrade! Here I am!
Harry Shapiro, the Volga Boatman of Barracks 4.
Lay off, the blonde is mine!
Hey, Olga, Volga! Wait for me!
- Let me go! - They'll shoot you!
- They'll shoot you, Animal. - I don't care. Let me go!
Chow! Chow!
Chow, Animal, chow!
I don't want to eat. I want to go over there and talk with them.
You don't want to talk to broads with boots on.
I don't care if they wear galoshes!
- You want Betty Grable. - Let me go!
I told you when the war's over, I'll get you a date with Betty Grable.
How are you going to get me a date with Betty Grable?
We go to California.
My cousin works for the Los Angeles Gas Company. He'll get the address.
Then we go to the house and when she comes to the door, I say,
"Congratulations, Miss Grable.
"We've voted you the girl we'd most like to be behind barbed wire with.
- "I'm here to present the award. " - What's the award?
What do you think, you're the award!
Me? What if she don't want me?
Well, if she don't want you, she don't get nothing.
You're teasing me again.
Let go, Animal! It's chow! We'll miss chow!
Chow!
Are you supposed to drink this stuff or shave?
- Drink. - Shave.
- Anyone else want potato soup? - No!
- You sure? - Yes!
Chow, chow, where's my chow?
Do you have to put your socks in my breakfast?
Tough luck.
I hate this life!
- Set her up, Cookie. I'm starved. - I'm all ready.
Easy, Animal! Easy!
- Where did it come from? - From a chicken, bug-wit.
A chicken?
A chicken lays those things. Don't you remember, Animal?
Hey, it's beautiful.
Are you going to eat it all by yourself?
The yellow and the white.
- Is it all right if we smell it? - Just don't drool on it.
- You're not going to eat the shells? - Help yourself.
Thanks. What are we gonna do with it?
We're gonna plant it, Animal, and grow a chicken for Christmas.
If I were you, I'd eat that egg some place else. Like under the barracks.
The coffee looks weak today.
Come on, trader Horn, what did you give the Krauts for that egg?
45 cigarettes. The price has gone up.
The cigarettes you took from us last night?
What would I do with them? I only smoke cigars.
The Krauts shot Manfredi and Jonson last night, and today he's trading with them!
This is my last hot breakfast before they remove the stove, so can I eat in peace?
Ain't that too bad? Tomorrow he'll have to suck a raw egg!
He don't have to worry. He can trade for a six-burner gas range.
Maybe a deep freeze, too.
So what? Everybody here's trading.
Maybe I trade a little sharper. Does that make me a collaborator?
A lot sharper. I'd like some of that loot you got in the footlockers.
Oh, would you! My first week here somebody stole my Red Cross package,
my blanket and my left shoe.
Since then I've wised up. This ain't no Salvation Army, this is dog eat dog.
- You stink, Sefton! - Come off it!
Now you've done it. You've given me nervous indigestion.
Here, Joey.
- Anything else bothering you, boys? - Yeah, one little thing.
How were you so sure Manfredi and Jonson wouldn't get out of the forest?
I wasn't so sure. I just liked the odds.
What's that supposed to mean?
They're lying dead in the mud and I want to know how come.
Because you said it would be safe, and you gave them the green light.
That's how come. What are you trying to prove?
- Cutting trap doors! Digging tunnels! - Listen, Sefton...
You listen to me! What do you think the chances are of getting out of here?
Let's say you make it to Switzerland. Or say to the States. So what?
They send you to the Pacific. You get shot down again.
Only this time you wind up in a Japanese prison camp.
That is, if you're lucky.
Well, I'm no escape artist.
Cigar, Cookie.
You can be the heroes, the guys with fruit salad on your chest.
I'm staying put.
I'm gonna make myself as comfortable as I can.
If I have to trade with the enemy to get some food or a better mattress,
that's OK by Sefton.
You crud! This war's gonna be over some day.
Then what do you think we'll do to Kraut-kissers like you?
That's enough!
At ease!
Break it off down there. At ease for the news.
At ease! Today's camp news.
Father Murray announces that, due to local regulations,
the Christmas Midnight Mass will be at seven in the morning.
He also says, quote: "You sack rats better show up for services
"and no bull from anybody. " Unquote.
- At ease. - At ease!
Next. Monday afternoon, a sailboat race will be held at the cesspool.
See Oscar Rudolph of Barracks 7 if you wish to enter a yacht.
- All right, at ease! - At ease!
Next. Jack Cushingham and Larry Blake will play Frank de Notta and Mike Cohen
for the pinochle championship.
That's a fix.
- All right, at ease! - At ease!
Next. Tuesday afternoon at two o'clock
all men from Texas will meet behind the north latrine.
- All right! At ease! - At ease!
Next. A warning from the Kommandant.
Anybody found throwing rocks at low-flying German aircraft
will be thrown in the boob. All right. At ease!
- Are the doors covered? - Yeah, the doors are covered.
Steve, give them the radio.
- You can keep it for two days. - We're supposed to have it for a week.
You're lucky to get it at all.
The boys are afraid the Jerries will find it. This barracks is jinxed.
We'll take care of it.
Get the antenna. Let's see if we can catch the BBC.
Get the antenna, get the antenna, get the antenna.
Volley got the ball. Volley got the ball...
Getting anything?
Too much. I'm trying to unscramble.
If you can't get BBC, how about Guy Lombardo?
Are we boring you, Sefton?
Hold it! Quiet!
Five Panzer Divisions and nine Infantry Divisions
of von Rundstedt's army are pouring into the wide breach.
The Krauts have busted through!
A second German wedge is reported 14 miles west of Malmedy
where tank columns cut the road to Bastogne.
Wunderbar! Isn't he wunderbar?
...has driven across Luxembourg.
The Allied Air Force is grounded by poor visibility.
Meanwhile, two of Patton's tank units
have been diverted towards Bastogne and are trying to...
- Come on! Come on! - Static!
Static is right. The radio's static, Patton's static and we're static!
It's gonna be a longer war than you figured, Duke?
Easy, easy.
Watch it! Watch it!
Well, well, gentlemen, am I interrupting something?
Yeah, Schulz, we were just passing out guns.
Guns? You're joking. Always with the visecrackers.
Visecrackers? Where did he pick up his English, in a pretzel factory?
You think I'm a square.
I've been to America. I've been wrestling there.
I wrestled in Milwaukee, St. Louis, Cincinnati, and I will go back.
The way the war is going, I will be there before you.
You should live so long.
Here. That's me in Cincinnati.
Who's the wrestler with the moustache?
That's my wife.
Hey, look at all that meat. Ain't she the bitter end?
Give it back. You must not arouse yourselves.
Schulz. I got a deal for you. Suppose you help us escape.
We'll have everything waiting for you in Madison Square Garden.
For the heavyweight wrestling championship of the world.
In this corner, Schulz, the Beast of Bavaria
versus the Hunchback of Stalag 17!
Droppen Sie dead!
And now, gentlemen, we'll go outside for a little gymnastics.
We will grab some shovels and undig that tunnel you digged.
Schulz, why don't we just plug up the tunnel
with the Kommandant on one end and you on the other?
It isn't me. It's the orders. I'm your best friend here.
Cut the guff, Schulz, we're on to you!
You know everything that's happening. Who's tipping you off?
Tipping me off? I do not understand.
You're wasting your time, Duke. Come on. Let's get it over with.
Just a second. Schulz says he's been our best friend here.
Maybe he can give us a hint.
Come on spill it. How did you get the information?
About Manfredi and Jonson? About the stove and the tunnel?
Which one of us is it?
- Which one of you is what? - The informer?
Are you saying one American would inform on another?
That's the general idea. But not so general as far as I'm concerned.
You're talking crazy.
It's no use. Why don't you come clean.
Just tell them it's me, because I'm the illegitimate son of Hitler
and after the Germans win the war,
you're gonna make me the Gauleiter of Cincinnati!
You Americans! You are the craziest people.
That's why I like you.
I wish I could invite you all to my house for a nice German Christmas.
Down boy!
Down boy, down boy!
Those poor suckers, Manfredi and Jonson.
They got out of Stalag 17 all right,
only not quite the way they wanted to go.
Somebody in our outfit was tipping off the Krauts. Only who was it?
The Animal, or Harry, or Hoffy, or Price, or Blondie or Joey, or Duke?
It sure wasn't me. Maybe it was Sefton.
Sergeant J.J. Sefton.
It's about time I told you more about that Sefton guy.
If I was a writer, I'd send it to the "Reader's Digest"
for one of those "Most Unforgettable Characters You've Ever Met".
He was a big time operator, always hustling, always scrounging.
Take, for instance, the horse races.
Every Saturday and Sunday he'd put on horse races.
He was the sole owner and operator of the Stalag 17 Turf Club.
He was the presiding steward, the chief handicapper,
the starter, the judge, the breeder and his own bookie.
He was the whole works, except I was the stable boy for five smokes a day.
Give me Equipoise. Ten on the nose.
- Come on, come on. - Ten on Schnickelfritz.
- Equipoise. - Schnickelfritz.
Come on, boys. The horses are at the post.
- Equipoise? - Equipoise.
Ten on Equipoise.
Five on Sea Biscuit. I'll pay when the Red Cross parcels come in.
- No credit. - Have a heart, Sefton!
Sorry, it's against the rules of the Racing Commission.
Any more bets? Ready, Cookie?
- Ready! - Let them go!
And they are off and running at Stalag 17!
Come on, Equipoise! Come on, you beauty!
Equipoise! What did I tell you?
Don't be no rat! Daddy will buy you some cheese!
Let's go!
- This way, this way! - Straighten out, you dog!
That's no horse! That's a dervish!
Please, please, for Daddy! For Daddy.
The winner is Number Five, Schnickelfritz.
I told you Schnickelfritz! You made me bet on Equipoise!
I clocked him this morning. He was running like a doll.
You clocked him! Why don't I clock you?
Another one of his enterprises was the distillery.
He ran a bar in our barracks, selling schnapps at two cigarettes a shot.
The boys called it the Flamethrower, but it wasn't really that bad.
We brewed it out of old potato peels
and sometimes a couple of strings off the Red Cross parcels
just to give it a little flavour.
It ain't fair, Harry. I'm telling you, it ain't fair. My Betty!
Ain't she beautiful? She married an orchestra leader!
So what? There's other women.
Not for me.
Betty!
- Betty! - Forget Betty, Animal.
I'll get you a date with some of those Russian women.
You'll get me a date.
Sure, I'll get you into the Russian compound.
How? Pinky Miller from Barracks 8 tried to get in over there
and they shot him in the leg.
It takes a gimmick, Animal. I figured us a little gimmick.
You did?
Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp it's frightening.
To the Brick Kremlin.
- She'll never forgive me. - Come on, Animal.
What are you serving today, nitric acid?
I only work here. Talk to the management.
Mr Management! What are you trying to do?
Embalm us while we are still alive?
What do you expect? Eight-year-old bottled-in-bond?
All the house guarantees is you don't go blind.
Blind? Harry!
Harry, Harry... I'm blind, Harry.
Where are you? I can't see. I'm blind, Harry.
- I'm blind! - Blind?
How stupid can you get, Animal?
The killer-diller, of course, the real bonanza
was when Sefton put up the observatory.
He scrounged some high-powered Kraut lenses and a magnifying mirror,
and got Ronnie Bigelow from Barracks 2 to put it together
for a pound of coffee.
On a clear day you could see the Swiss Alps.
Only who wanted to see the Swiss Alps?
It was about a mile away from that Russian delousing shack,
but we were right on top of it.
It cost a cigarette or half a bar of chocolate a peek.
You couldn't catch much through that steam,
but after two years in that camp,
just the idea of what was behind that window sure spruced up your voltage.
Let's go. 20 seconds to a customer.
Hey, Sefton, what's snarling up the traffic?
By the time we get to look, they'll be old hags.
Simmer down, boys.
There'll be a second show when they put the next batch through.
Hey, Sefton. What's the big idea? Take that telescope out of here!
- Says who? - Me.
You take it out, but there'll be a riot.
Every time they get Red Cross packages, you find a way to rob them.
When they find out, they'll throw us in the boob.
They know. I'd worry about the radio.
Maybe they also know about your distillery and horse races.
What makes you and them so buddy-buddy?
Ask Security.
Tell him. You've got me shadowed every minute of the day.
- Haven't you found out yet? - Not yet.
- How do you get all these privileges? - I give the guards ten per cent.
- And maybe something else! - What?
- A little information. - Break it off!
How much more do we have to take from this crud?
There'll be no vigilante stuff while I'm Barracks Chief.
Look at them! Those crazy jerks!
They won't get away with it. The Krauts will shoot them!
Harry and the Animal are trying to sneak into the Russian compound!
They're past the 50-yard line!
- It's a quarterback sneak! - Look at them go!
Those idiots will paint themselves right into their graves!
Hello, Bublichki. How are you all?
Hey, the Brick Kremlin! Hey Olga Volga, wait for me!
Hey, Animal, the window.
So life sort of drifted back to normal in Stalag 17.
It was a couple of days before Christmas and everything seemed quiet enough.
But underneath it we knew we were sitting on a barrel of dynamite,
and that the stoolie, whoever he was, was ready to strike again any second.
At ease!
All right, at ease! Mail call!
- All right, at ease. - Hey, man.
Anything for Stanislaus Kuzawa?
First. The Kommandant is sending every barracks a little Christmas present.
A copy of "Mein Kampf".
- All right, at ease. - At ease!
In Oberst von Scherbach's words, "Now that German victory is in sight,
"American prisoners must be indoctrinated
"with the teachings of the Führer. " Unquote.
In my own words... Unquote.
That's the wrong direction.
Give that man a Kewpie doll!
- Martin. - Here.
- Shapiro. - Yup.
- Price. - Yeah.
- Trzcinski. - Yo.
- McKay - Yo!
Shapiro, Shapiro, Manfredi...
- Shapiro, Musgrove. - Hey!
- McKay. - Yo!
- Peterson. - Yeah!
- Plews. - Here.
- Pirelli. - Hey!
- Coleman. - Yo!
- Shapiro. - Nothing for Stanislaus Kuzawa?
Shapiro, Shapiro.
- Agnew. - Here.
And just what makes you so popular?
It's amazing. 50 million guys running around back home,
and all those dames want is Sugar-lips Shapiro.
- Plews. - Here.
- Bauer. - Here.
- McKay. - Yo!
- Agnew. - Here.
- Here, Kuzawa. - Yeah?
- Give this to Joey? - Is that all the mail?
At ease, at ease!
Here's a little something from Father Murray. One to each barrack.
And he wants you to cut out swearing during yuletide.
- How did he get those trees? - Prayed, I guess.
They grew out of his mattress. Come on, Steve.
Hey! What do we do for decorations?
For that you got to pray yourself.
"... and so, Joey, we do hope that you will finish that last year of law school
"when you come back home. "
Law school?
Hey, you don't want to be no stinking lawyer
with a stinking briefcase and a stinking office, do you, Joey?
"And do keep writing, son. Your letters are very dear to us.
"With all our love, Dad. "
It's from your Dad, Joey. Here, take it.
Next time we write to your folks, you know what you're gonna say?
You're gonna say you don't want to be a lawyer...
that you wanna be a musician, maybe.
Like play the flute. Yeah, Joey?
I saw a wonderful article on German prison camps in a magazine.
Mom reads a lot.
They showed pictures of the tennis courts, and also say that in winter
they freeze them over so you boys can ice skate.
Anything about us grouse hunting in the Vienna Woods?
In a way I'm glad you're not in America,
with everything rationed here, like gas and meat.
Heart-rending, ain't it?
Why don't we send them some food parcels?
- What do all those broads say? - What do they always say?
- Let me read one. - It's not good for you, Animal.
Hey, this is with a typewriter! It's from a finance company!
So it is from the finance company. It's better than no letter at all.
So they want the third payment on the Plymouth.
So they want the fourth, the fifth, the sixth, the seventh...
so they want the Plymouth.
Sugar-lips Shapiro. Amazing, ain't it?
- I believe it. - You believe what?
My wife. She says, "Darling, you won't believe it,
"but I found an adorable baby on our doorstep
"and I've decided to keep it.
"You won't believe it, but it's got exactly my eyes and nose. "
Why does she keep saying I don't believe it? I believe it.
I believe it.
This is it, gentlemen. Don't bother to scrape your shoes.
OK, gang! Meet our new guests.
This is Lieutenant Dunbar and this is Sergeant Bagradian.
Lieutenant?
Knock it off fellas. The pleasure's all mine.
- How are things? - What's doing on the outside?
What's new in the States?
The skirts are shorter, if that's what you mean.
The Lieutenant will be here for a week until the Krauts ship him
to the officers' camp in Silesia. All railroads out of Frankfurt are fouled up.
Somebody blew up an ammunition train.
Somebody, my eye.
The Lieutenant did it with 50 German guards around.
Glad to have you here.
You're in time for the Christmas pageant.
Looks more like the lost company of "Tobacco Road".
He's an actor. You should see his imitations. He can do anybody.
- Do Lionel Barrymore again. - Do Alan Ladd.
- Do Cary Grant. - Hey, do Grable!
See here Scarlet, I'm crazy about you and always have been.
I gave you kisses for breakfast, lunch, and supper.
And now I find you're eating out.
- Not Gable, Grable! - That's enough.
They were shot down two days ago and they've been on their feet ever since.
Price will show you your bunks.
Fix them some tea.
We had a couple of unexpected vacancies.
Upper or lower, Lieutenant?
It doesn't matter. Just so I can get some sleep.
- Lieutenant Dunbar? - Yeah?
James Schuyler Dunbar from Boston?
Yes. Do we know each other?
He's from Boston, too. But you wouldn't know him
unless your house was robbed!
Maybe he would. We were gonna be officers together, remember?
Only they washed me out. I'm glad to see you made it.
Of course your dough had nothing to do with it!
- His mother's got 20 million dollars. - 25.
They've got a summer home in Nantucket with a polo field.
- Put a canopy over his bunk. - Lay off, Sefton!
Say, how come you're not a chicken colonel by now?
Lay off, unless you want your head handed to you!
Tea is being served on the veranda.
Animal, where are the napkins?
Do be seated, Bonita. What a perfectly charming table arrangement.
They must have copied it from "House Beautiful".
Animal, how many times have I told you?
You always gotta pour from the left.
Thank you, James.
Don't encourage them. Those are the barrack's clowns.
- Did they get you over Frankfurt? - On the Schweinfurt run.
- Flak or fighters? - Fighters.
- How many ships did you loose? - About half the group.
Flying out of England?
Yes, Waddington. 92nd Bomber group.
How did you blow up the train with 50 guards around?
Well, I was just lucky, I guess.
Don't let him kid you. Cagney couldn't have pulled a sweeter job.
Here's what happened.
We were waiting in the depot in Frankfurt, understand?
When an ammunition train arrives
the longest ammunition train you ever saw, understand?
He's just giving it a big build-up. It was simple enough.
I went into the men's room, fixed a little time bomb,
broke open the window and when the train pulled out
I tossed it into an open car.
There must have been straw on the floor.
Yeah. And about three minutes later you can hear it... boom!
Understand? Broke every window in Frankfurt.
Understand? It was gorgeous.
Wait a second. I'm not through. Understand?
- I wouldn't talk about things like that! - They never caught on.
They may. That's why I'd keep my mouth shut.
We're all Americans here, aren't we?
The Krauts are getting information.
Especially in this barracks.
- How? - That's what we'd like to know.
- There's only one pair left. - We'll get some more.
Where does a fella take a hot shower around here?
Hot shower? Dig him!
No hot showers. You wash in the latrine.
- A latrine! - What do you expect, glamour boy?
An officers' club with a steam room and a massage?
You made some cracks before and I let them slide,
but I don't intend to take any more.
If you resent my having money, start a revolution, but get off my back.
Look, your dough won't help. Here you're on your own.
No mother to throw you a lifebelt. Let's see how good you swim.
I can swim all right. We own three swimming pools and a private lake.
It figures. Sorry boys, my taxi's waiting.
Cut the horseplay, Harry. What's the matter with you guys?
Get ready! Here he comes!
...Czechoslovakia and Poland - kaputt.
And the Fräulein with the Glockenspiel - verboten.
And the apple strudel with the Liederkranz- Gesundheit.
Everything is Gesundheit, kaputt and verboten!
Gentlemen! Attention!
Droppen Sie dead!
Quiet! We are indoctrinating. Is all you indoctrinated?
Is you all good little Nazis?
Is you all good little Adolfs?
Then we will all salute Feldwebel Schulz.
About face!
One Führer is enough.
Please, gentlemen, take off those moustaches.
Do you want me arrested by the Gestapo?
You would be very sorry to get a new Feldwebel without a sense of humour.
OK, gang. Take off the moustaches. Now, what is it, Schulz?
Gentlemen, tomorrow morning the Geneva man will inspect the camp
and find out if we are living up to the International Convention.
He will find we are treating you very well.
You must not run around in your underwear.
And take off the wash.
The Kommandant wants all the barracks to be spick and also span.
Yeah, we'll put pink ribbons on the bedbugs.
The Kommandant also wants every man to have a new clean blanket.
Yeah, we know. We had them last year.
Five minutes after he was gone, the blankets were gone.
The Kommandant also told me to pick up the radio.
What radio, Schulz?
The one you are hiding, don't you know?
The one your friend mit-out the leg is smuggling in the compound.
You're off your nut.
- Give me the radio. - We have no radio.
All right, gentlemen, I'll find it myself.
Now, let's see. Where could it be?
Maybe, in the Lieutenant's bunk? Oh, no, not in the Lieutenant's bunk.
I'm cold here. Maybe warmer on this side.
In the piccolo, may... Oh, no, not in the piccolo.
Am I getting warmer? Hot, maybe?
Very hot?
- What is this? This is water? - It's a mousetrap.
- And this? - My grandmother's earmuffs.
Look at them, Lieutenant. Everybody is a clown.
How can you win the war mit an army of clowns?
We hope you'll laugh yourselves to death.
Yeah.
Now, outside everybody! Everybody out for the blankets.
- Clear out. Here we go. - Hey, you too, outside. Get going!
Hurry up, boys.
That Schulz pig knew where the radio was all the time.
That stoolie is sure batting a thousand.
The guy I want to talk to is Sefton. Anybody seen Sefton?
- Cookie, have you seen Sefton? - No, I haven't.
Here, here!
Hoffy, I'm sorry about the mouse trap,
but the war news are very depressing anyway.
I might as well also confiscate the antenna. American know-how.
- All right, Cookie. Where's Sefton? - I don't know.
- At the Kommandant's? - I don't know.
- What did they trade him for the radio? - I don't know.
Why don't we look in the footlockers?
You little stooge! Hand over them keys!
- I haven't got any keys. - OK, then I'll get me a key.
- OK, Hoffy? - OK.
Wait a minute. Don't. Sefton will get mad.
- Of all the hoarding cruds! - Looks like Macey's basement, don't it?
That kid's richer than my mother.
Shut up!
For crying out loud. What would he be doing with these?
Suppose you ask me? Go on, ask me.
Because I got the goods on Mr Sefton. This time he didn't shake me.
Take a look for yourself. It will curdle your guts!
The Russian women!
Get away!
Here, try the end window where the candy is.
Come on Hoffy, we all want to see!
- How did he get there? - Easy.
Through the gate, past the guard like some Kraut Field Marshal.
Now we know what he got for the radio.
This is murder!
The stinking miser. Keeping all that for himself!
So I'm a vigilante? What are the barrack's officers gonna do now?
Don't worry, Duke. We'll handle it now.
You better handle it fast, before he sells us all down the river.
Hi. Too late for chow?
What's the matter, boys, is my slip showing?
I'll say it is. You spilled a little borscht on it.
- Borscht? - Did you have a good time there?
Oh, somebody was peeking. Yeah, had a dreamy time.
Those dames really know how to throw a party.
I've known some women in my time,
but there's nothing like the hot breath of the Cossacks.
There are a couple of blonde snipers over there, real man-killers.
What's this?
- What happened Cookie, who did it? - We did it.
There had better not be anything missing. This is private property.
So was the radio private property. So were Manfredi and Jonson.
- What about the radio? - Yeah, what about it?
Cut horsing around! We know he's the stoolie and what the pay-off is.
- Let's get on with it! - With what?
What is this anyway, a kangaroo court? Why not get a rope and do it right?
- You make my mouth water! - You're all wire happy.
You've been here too long. You put two and two together and got four.
Only it ain't four!
- What's it add up to you, Sefton? - You got the wrong guy.
I'm telling you, the Krauts wouldn't plant two stoolies in one barracks.
Whatever you do to me, you'll have to do again when you find the right guy.
Watch it! The Kommandant!
Achtung! Herr Kommandant!
Good evening, Sergeants.
Little coffee-klatch you are having?
Gloomy in here, isn't it?
- Where is the Barracks Chief? - Yes, sir.
You have a Lieutenant here. Lieutenant... James Dunbar?
Yes, sir.
I'm Lieutenant Dunbar.
What is your number?
- 105-353. - That is correct.
Lieutenant Dunbar, I came to apologise for the accommodations.
Ordinarily, of course, we never put officers up with enlisted men.
I'll live.
Quite a transportation jam we're having outside of Frankfurt.
They are very angry in Berlin.
They will be angrier on the East Front, waiting for that ammunition train.
- Don't you think so, Lieutenant? - I don't know what you're talking about.
How would you like to join me in my quarters? I have a nice fire going.
- I'm OK here, why bother? - No bother.
I'm very grateful for a little company. You see, I suffer from insomnia.
Did you ever try 40 sleeping pills?
We have some rights, Colonel! Why is this man being taken out?
Curtains would do wonders for this barrack.
You will not get them.
How did he find out about the ammunition train?
You must have shot your mouths off from Frankfurt to here.
- No, we didn't. - Maybe a hint? Think hard.
I don't have to think. We didn't say a word until we hit this barracks.
Why are you looking at me?
Lights out. Lights out.
I suppose some jerk's gonna say I did it.
Why don't you try it one at a time?
Now, there's a lot of folks around that don't believe in Santa Claus.
I always did and I always will.
For a while, I thought the German Luftwaffe had shot him down,
reindeer, sleigh and all. But no, sir.
On Christmas Eve, the Geneva man showed up with some presents for us.
They brought us coffee, a little sugar, prunes and toothbrushes,
and, of all things, some ping-pong balls.
There must have been a slip-up
because suddenly we wound up with 2,000 ping-pong balls.
It seemed pretty idiotic at the time, but those balls sure came in handy.
Did they come in handy!
Hey, Schulz!
What is this? You must get out of your bunk.
The Geneva man is coming to inspect the...
Lieber Gott, how do you look! You had a fight?
Would you like to give Frau Schulz silk stockings for Christmas?
You should see the doctor. Maybe I can... silk stockings?
Take them.
Wunderbar! Maybe they are too wunderbar for my wife, but...
but there is a piano teacher in the village...
- And 200 cigarettes for yourself? - 200 cigarettes!
What do you want from me?
- Who's the guy? - What guy?
The one you work with. How do you do it?
- I don't want them. - I'll make it 400.
No! No! No!
Listen, Schulz, you'd better talk, because I'm gonna find out.
I won't let go. They'll have to kill me to stop me! So talk!
Talk what? No, I don't know anything.
How many do you want? 1,000?
Take them!
When the Geneva man comes through the barracks
I don't want you to complain to him.
I have orders from the Kommandant to report everyone who complains!
Dunbar's being crucified and he's trading again.
Didn't you get enough last night? You want more?
Some guys never learn.
- Here's some ice off the roof. - Beat it, you little stooge!
Tell the crum where he stands.
I called a meeting of the Barracks Chiefs this morning.
I thought I could get you transferred to another barracks.
But it turns out nobody likes you any more than we do.
So you're stuck with me?
Maybe the Russian broads would take him.
Not with that kisser.
You got off lucky last night, Sefton.
One more move, and you'll have your throat cut!
You listening, Sefton?
Yeah, I still got one good ear. Now you listen to me.
Two guys in this barracks know I didn't do it.
Me and the guy that did do it. It could be any one of you.
You, Hoffy, or Duke, or Price, the Animal, or Blondie, or even Joey.
And he'd better watch out, the guy that left me holding the stick.
If there's gonna be any throats cut in this barracks...
Achtung! Everybody at attention for the Geneva man!
As you were, gentlemen, please.
Here we have a typical barrack. It houses 75 men.
Every one of them has his own bunk, naturally.
Naturally. It would be rather awkward to have three men in one bunk.
The blankets, you will notice are very warm. 50 per cent wool.
They also smell of mothballs.
When were they issued? This morning?
What do you do for heat in this barrack? No stove!
The men used it as a trap door, so we had to remove it temporarily.
How long is temporarily? I trust not until July.
Here you see a typical meal the prisoners are getting.
- What are we having today? - Bean soup mit ham hocks.
- Would you like to taste it? - Thank you, no.
Where's the ham hock? There should be a ham hock!
When you find it, we'll send it to Geneva.
Are there any complaints? Please speak up!
Don't be afraid to talk. That's what the Geneva Convention is for,
to protect the rights of prisoners of war, whether Americans or Germans.
- What have you got to say? - I like it here.
- What about you? - It's all right, considering.
What happened to you? Were you beaten?
Why don't you answer? What did you do to this man?
They didn't do nothing.
- Who beat you? - Nobody beat me.
We were playing pinochle. It's a rough game.
Pardon me, sir. Since you want us to speak up.
A man was removed from this barracks last night.
We'd appreciate you looking into it, if they haven't shot him yet.
- Why was he arrested? - Sabotage. He blew up a train.
They'd have to prove that first.
The Geneva Convention says you can't just shoot a man.
I didn't do it! I didn't do it!
Of course you did. 26 carloads of munition gone off like a trick cigar.
The SS is running around in circles.
The Gestapo is arresting the wrong people.
And von Scherbach has caught the fish. Most amusing, isn't it?
You are being rude again.
I just want to sleep.
9.30. General von Pfeffinger will be at his desk by now.
Shall we call Berlin and tell him the good news?
I didn't do it.
I hope you appreciate this moment, Lieutenant.
You see, I'm a cavalry man. All the von Scherbachs were cavalry men.
Well, you know what happened to the cavalry.
Just give me five minutes on that couch, will you?
The young ones they put into the panzer divisions.
The older ones in the quartermaster corps
or made them recruiting officers or wardens, like me.
Wet nurses to putrid prisoners.
In Berlin they have forgotten that Colonel von Scherbach even exists.
But they will remember now.
Well... There will be two SS men here tomorrow to take you to Berlin.
You will be interrogated by the General Staff.
When it comes to the part about your arrest,
I'm sure you won't forget to give me the proper credit.
I just want to sleep. I haven't slept in three days.
You will remember the name. Scherbach, von Scherbach.
Well, Herr Inspektor, how did you find the camp?
Crowded, but 'gemütlich", shall we say?
I want to talk about Lieutenant Dunbar.
- Is this Lieutenant Dunbar? - It is.
What exactly is he charged with?
Whatever it is, it's out of your jurisdiction.
This man is not a prisoner of war. Not any more. He's a saboteur.
He's a prisoner of war until you can prove sabotage.
I didn't do it. I was in the Frankfurt station.
The train was three miles away when it blew up.
You threw a time bomb.
How could I have had a time bomb?
They searched me when they took me prisoner.
The way you search your prisoners, it sounds rather unlikely.
All I know is he did it. I am satisfied.
I am not! According to the Geneva Convention this man...
Is there anything in the Geneva Convention that will let a guy sleep?
- You were saying? - Simply this.
After the hostilities are ended, there will be a War Crimes Commission.
If the man should be convicted without proper proof,
you will be held responsible, Oberst von Scherbach.
- Interesting. - Isn't it!
Very well. If you insist on details
I have ways of finding out about that blasted time bomb.
Good day, sir. You will forgive me for receiving you like this.
Perfectly all right. I do not like boots.
I believe it. I believe it.
Let's have your dogtags for the Christmas tree.
What's the idea? You think can eat that stuff?
We're building a smudge pot so Patton can find us when he comes.
20 parts of cellulose, one part phosphorous. Watch.
He'll be able to see our smoke signal four miles away.
But Patton is 400 miles away.
- Well, I say, be prepared. - OK, boy scout.
Look what we've got!
- The phonograph! - Music!
Put it down here, boys.
We made a deal with Barracks 1.
- Now, where's that distillery? - Over here, boys.
Let's have that distillery.
Come on, we swapped it for the phonograph. Any objections, Sefton?
Take it.
Hey, Price. Any news on Dunbar?
He's still at the Kommandant's office, that's all I know. Don't worry.
This kid's too good for me.
Let's see how good he is. Same stakes?
Sure. Go ahead.
That's not bad.
- Where did you learn your pitching? - From the farmer's daughter.
Something I was meaning to ask you about security.
Shoot.
We're having a tough time keeping stuff hidden from the Krauts,
like our escape equipment. We're always looking for new devices.
- Looks like you found one. - Me?
I mean the Lieutenant. He hid a time bomb on him, right?
He even carried it through prisoner's search, didn't he?
- Where did he hide it? - In his pocket.
- The old cigarette-match gag. - What's that?
You take a book of matches, light a cigarette, slip it in.
The cigarette takes about three minutes to burn down.
Then it sets off the matches. Simple.
Some time bomb.
Hey, that's a ringer.
Don't forget the corkscrew.
- And have a cigar. - Thanks.
Here's a present for you, Joey. Take it. Take it.
It's Christmas, Joey.
"Merry Christmas to Joey from the Gang. "
Open it.
I'll open it for you.
Come on, Joey, play.
Air raid! Air raid! Everybody out of the barracks!
- Not on Christmas Eve! - For your own good, you must get out.
- And put out those candles. - Let's hit the trenches.
- I'll bet it's a phoney again. - The Pentagon will hear about this.
- Get out. - I'm not really built for war.
Get out. Everybody in the trenches. Quick.
Hey, what's the matter with you?
- You want to get killed? - Not particularly.
Hey, you two. Outside with you!
Must you two always be the last?
Yeah? You try jumping in those trenches first.
Everybody jumps in on top of you.
- How do you think I got my hernia? - Go on, let's go.
So it got to be Christmas Day in Stalag 17.
If you ask me it was more like the 4th of July
with all the fireworks that were to go off and bust the camp wide open.
It started off innocently, with a party in every barracks.
Come on, Animal, let's trip the light fantastic.
Leave me alone.
Don't cry over a dame that doesn't even know you're alive.
Snap out of it!
There's a time in every man's life when he wants to be left alone.
So go away.
All right, who wants the Queen of the May?
How about you, Handsome?
You look like Cary Grant. Want to dance with me?
I'd love to, Queenie, but one of the other girls asked me first.
Goodbye, darling. Bye.
Any cigars left, Cookie?
Come on, Cookie, get me a cigar.
What's the matter? Are you on their team now?
Do you think I'm the guy?
I don't know what to think any more.
I understand how you feel.
It's sort of rough, one American squealing on other Americans.
Then again, Cookie, maybe that stoolie's not an American at all.
Maybe he's a German the Krauts planted in this barracks.
They do that sometimes.
Just put an agent in with us, a trained specialist.
There's lots of loose information floating around a prison camp.
Not just whether somebody's trying to escape,
but what outfit we were with,
where we were stationed, how our radar operates.
- Could be, couldn't it? - In this barracks?
Why not? One of the boys. Sharing our bunks, eating our chow.
Right amongst those that beat me up. Except he beat hardest.
- Who is it? - That's not the point, Cookie.
The point is what do you do with him?
You tip your mitt and the Jerries plant him in some place else
like Stalag 16 or 15.
Or you kill him off and the Krauts kill off the whole barracks.
Every one of us.
So what do you do?
Who is it? If you don't want to tell me, why don't you tell Hoffy, or Security?
Yeah... Security.
What's keeping Hoffy? Why don't we get news about Dunbar?
He'll be back. They've got no proof.
Come on, boys. Soft and sweet.
Beguile me.
Betty...
Betty!
- May I have this dance, Miss? - Why, sure.
Pinch me, darling. Pinch me, so I'll know I'm not dreaming.
Thank you, darling.
Did anyone ever tell you that you had the most beautiful legs in the world?
But it's not just your legs. I'm crazy about that little nose of yours.
That cute little button of a nose.
Hey, Animal! Animal!
I've been crazy about you for years.
I've seen every picture you ever made... six times!
I'd just sit there, watching you.
I wouldn't even open up the popcorn bag.
Animal! Animal! Wake up! Wake up!
Betty! Betty!
Animal, this is me, Harry Shapiro!
Harry Shapiro!
Harry...
Cut the music. Cut the music! Cut it!
At ease! At ease! Somebody cover the doors.
Listen! The SS men are here for Dunbar. They're taking him to Berlin.
- They got proof. Looks like he's finished. - Only not quite yet.
Hoffy and I have figured a long shot. All the barracks are behind us.
What are you gonna do?
Blondie, get that smudge pot. Tie it to Steve's leg.
I want everybody out. We need a lot of commotion in the compound.
I'll get the men from the other barracks.
You think you can snatch Dunbar from the SS?
We're gonna make a stab at it. Duke, Price, Stosh, Harry,
meet at the north latrine. You'll all get your posts.
Now everybody start drifting out, one by one.
Easy boys, easy. Disperse out there nicely.
Remember, just because the Krauts are dumb, it doesn't mean they're stupid.
- Ready? - Roger.
OK, move out.
I don't know what your scheme is, but it sounds crazy.
It may be crazy, but it's better than having Dunbar dead.
I guess you're right. How about me going out and keeping Schulz off balance?
- Good. - I'd worry about Sefton, not Schulz.
- Remember me? The stoolie. - You won't squeal this one, brother.
No? Aren't you afraid to turn the stoolie loose on the compound?
For a tip-off like this, what would the Krauts pay?
You'll stay in the barracks, and not a peep out of you!
OK, put a guard on me. I want you to.
Because if anything goes wrong, this time you won't have a patsy. Right?
Right.
So, who's gonna watch me? Cookie? No, not Cookie.
Wouldn't you feel safer with Security on the job?
- OK, Price, you'll stay here. - What about Schulz?
We'll take care of Schulz. Come on. You, too.
That's the boy, Joey. Play us a little something.
What do you want to hear, Price? "Home On The Range"?
Or maybe a little Wagner?
Or how about a game of pinochle?
No, you're not a pinochle man.
You're a chess player.
I never knew much about the game.
Now, let's see.
A pawn moves this way, and a bishop this way...
...and the queen moves... every which way, doesn't it?
Suppose you sit down and keep your mouth shut!
I went to school with a guy named Price. That was in Boston.
- You're from Cleveland, aren't you? - Yeah, I'm from Cleveland.
I thought that was what you said. You're from Cleveland.
- You were with the 36th Bomb Group? - 35th.
The 366th Bomb Squadron out of Chelveston?
Are you questioning me?
Just getting acquainted. I'd like to make one friend in this barracks.
Don't bother. I never liked you and I never will.
Many people say that and then they get married,
and live happily ever after.
I wonder what they're trying to do.
Where was Dunbar? The Krauts went crazy looking for him.
They herded us out, put extra machine guns on us and gave us a picture check.
You know, checking our dogtags and our pans against their index file.
Nobody except Hoffy knew where Dunbar was hidden. And he wouldn't tell us.
The Krauts searched under the barracks, on the roofs,
even the Kommandant's bathroom, but no Dunbar.
Then they threw tear gas bombs into the barracks
in case he was hiding up in the rafters.
Then they made us stand for six hours out there
until von Scherbach came out and gave us his ultimatum.
If Dunbar didn't come out by next morning,
he'd tear down the whole compound, stick by stick.
And if we slept in the mud for the rest of our lives, that was OK by him.
He couldn't figure how a guy could disappear from the compound
and still be there. But Dunbar was there all right.
He sure was there.
Let's have it understood. This will be a rough deal. But we've got no choice.
One of us will take Dunbar out of the camp tonight.
We'll draw one dogtag to see who does the job.
The Krauts are expecting it and they've put on extra guards.
Now, if anybody wants to withdraw, speak up.
Then we're all in on it.
Everybody but Joey, and you know who.
All right, who's the lucky one?
Let me do it, Hoffy.
- You want to go? - No, I just want to draw.
OK, draw.
Let's call this my tag. I'll take him out.
No volunteers. We're all in on it.
You elected me Security. The way things have been going
I've done a poor job and want to make it up. Am I asking too much?
We've all done a poor job.
I still say this is my tag. Any objections, Hoffy?
- Any objections? - Not from me.
- He can have it. - Who are we to argue with a hero?
- How about me latching on? - Three's a crowd
especially if you've got to go through barbed wire.
Let's have the wire cutters.
- Are the civilian clothes ready? - Coming up.
Get to work on the trap door.
What do you say, Hoffy? We hit the trenches
then cut out back at Barracks 9?
You'd better cut out back of the south latrine.
- Why the south latrine? - Because he's there. In the water tank.
Good spot.
With any luck we may be in Krems by morning.
Maybe even catch a barge up to Linz.
Two packs of cigarettes say Dunbar never gets out of the compound.
Are you starting that again?
- Anybody cover? - Somebody step on that crum.
- We warned you. - Sure you warned me.
You were gonna slit the throat of that stoolie.
Here's the knife to do it with.
- Make sure you get the right throat. - We're looking at it.
Hurry up on that trap door. Are you trying to gum up the works?
Would you rather see Dunbar lying in the mud like Manfredi and Jonson?
My hands were full keeping these guys from tearing you apart.
I called it last time, didn't I?
Are we going to listen to him until the Germans find out where Dunbar is?
They know where Dunbar is.
- How do they know? - You told them, Hoffy.
- Who did? - You did.
- Are you off your rocker? - Fell right on my head.
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch? - No, I don't "Sprechen Sie Deutsch. "
Maybe just one word? Kaputt?
- Because you're kaputt! - Get him out of my hair so I can go.
To the Kommandant's office and tell him where Dunbar is?
I'll kill you for that!
Shut up! Security officer? Always screening everybody.
But who screened you? Great American hero, from Cleveland, Ohio,
enlisted right after Pearl Harbour. When was Pearl Harbour or don't you know?
December 7th, '41.
- What time? - Six o'clock. I was having dinner.
Six o'clock in Berlin. They were having lunch in Cleveland.
- Am I boring you, boys? - Go on.
He's a Nazi, Price is! For all I know, his name is Preissinger or Preisshoffer.
Sure he lived in Cleveland, but when war broke out
he came back to the Fatherland like a good little Bundist.
He spoke our lingo.
They sent him to spy school and gave him with phoney dogtags.
He's just trying to get off the hook!
- He said, "shut up". - You heard what he said.
OK, Herr Preisshoffer, let's have the mailbox.
The what?
The one you took out from the corner of your bunk and put in this pocket.
I'll show you how they did it.
They did it by mail.
- Mail? - That's right.
Little love notes between our security officer and von Scherbach
with Schulz the mailman.
Here's the flag.
They used to put a loop in the cord. Did you ever notice?
And here's the mailboxes. Hollow black queens.
Cute.
They delivered or picked up the mail when we were out of the barracks,
like for appell.
When there was a special delivery they'd pull a phoney air raid,
to get us out, like last night, for instance.
There wasn't a plane in the sky. Or was there, Price?
Brother, were we all wet about you?
Forget it.
What are we gonna do with him?
Don't you know? Because I got my own ideas.
Let's have that civilian stuff.
I'll look pretty stupid in this, yodelling my way across the Alps.
Now, let's have the wire cutters.
- You taking Dunbar? - You bet!
There ought to be some reward money from Mama. About 10,000 bucks.
I told you boys I'm no escape artist.
For the first time, I like the odds, because now I got a decoy.
- What's the decoy? - Price!
When I go, give me exactly five minutes to get Dunbar out of that water tank.
Then throw Price into the compound, nice and loud.
He'll draw every light from every goon tower.
It's our only chance to cut through.
What do you say, Barracks Chief?
He's right, Hoffy, it's either Price or Dunbar.
He killed Jonson and Manfredi, didn't he?
It's all yours.
What's the matter, Price?
You said you were going to save Dunbar? Now's your chance.
So long, Cookie. You can have the department store, what's left of it.
So long, Sefton.
You're not disposing of those Russian broads, are you?
Tell you what to do. Get 100 cigarettes for the Kraut guards.
Then get yourself another face.
You could use a new one too.
Let's synchronise the watches. It's 11.42 sharp.
Check.
Just one word. If I ever run into any of you on a street corner,
let's pretend we never met before.
Shut up the moaning. You'll have the machine guns on us.
- Turn it off, Lieutenant. - My legs are... frozen.
You'd better get that blue blood circulating
'cause we're busting out of this stink hole
in exactly one minute and 20 seconds.
Sefton!
- Did you expect a St. Bernard dog? - Not you!
- Want some brandy? - Yeah.
Who doesn't? Suppose we wait till we hit the Waldorf Astoria?
- OK. It's on me. - You won't get off that cheap.
What are our chances of busting out of here?
We'll know in about 40 seconds.
Hold his leg up.
Just in case your Kameraden are hard-of-hearing.
30 seconds. Get him up.
Stop shaking, Price. There'll be no pardon from no governor.
Funny, ain't it? In your own Fatherland, by your own Soldaten.
The kid's got no sense of humour.
20 seconds. Open the hatch.
What's the matter with you, Security? You were always so calm.
Especially when you let Manfredi and Jonson go out there.
Eight seconds, seven, six, five, four,
three, two, one, go!
This is it!
- Let's blow, Chauncey. - Let's.
All right, men. Everybody back in their bunks... like nothing happened.
What do you know? The crud did it.
I'd like to know what made him do it.
Maybe he just wanted to steal our wire cutters.